• MY BOOKS
    • 72 Virgins--Synopsis
    • 72 Virgins - Book Reviews
    • 72 Virgins--An Excerpt
    • Book Trailer
    • 72 Virgins - Links to Published Interviews
    • Fundamentals of Voice Quality--Synopsis
    • Funsamentals of Voice Quality Engineering - Book Reviews
    • Special Promotions
  • Buy a Book
  • MY TALK SHOW
  • 6-Day War Remembered on Shalom TV
  • Published Articles
    • Political Blogs
    • Writer's Blog
    • Political Satires
  • My Biography
  • My Life in Pictures
  • Islam
    • Islamic Terrorism
    • Arab-Israeli Conflict
  • Favorite Sites
  • Conjugate Gradient
  • The Lahaka
  • O.J. Simpson's Song
  • My Music
    • Original Music--Password Required
    • My Xmas Jazz
  • Contact
Avi Perry

TALKS (Unknown Author)

12/13/2009

15 Comments

 
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60.  The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."

Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 25,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too.  How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

Speaking from a shed somewhere in the West Midlands , where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,

"We sympathies with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.  They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace.  Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.  It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off.  I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."  He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics.  "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas.  One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that...it's too much to swallow".

Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will put down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working.  However, some members of that branch will only be using explosives from the waist down, in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.
Further talks will be held.....
15 Comments
Imam Ilhas Tizi
12/13/2009 02:40:34 pm

For Shahids of an alternative life style, like the late Yesser Arafat (Abu Hmar) there is a choice of 72 young boys, or 72 goats, instead of the virgins.

Reply
Mark Ducharme link
12/13/2009 06:54:21 pm

Solution: Instead of selling al qaeda arms, China could step up there forced abortions of female babies and thus replenish the dead murder bombers supply of, EVER YOUNGER (remember, we ARE talking about descendants of Mohammad here!), virgins.

Now, if we can just avoid one of those embarrassing "iran-contra" type of controversies, we might just be able to pull it off. Drawback(s): China actually wants us slaughtered by the jihadis so we will have to buy more of their poisoned junk to get them to go for it.

Reply
air max 2009 link
3/29/2011 03:04:12 pm

The article is worth reading, I like it very much. I will keep your new articles.

Reply
Web Server Hosting link
2/21/2012 06:50:59 pm

I really enjoyed your blog. It’s always nice when you find something that is not only informative but entertaining. Excellent!

Reply
bathroom tiles link
3/27/2012 10:05:49 pm

Hello
Avi Perry
Thanks for posting! I really like what you've acquired here; You should keep it up forever! Best of luck
Thank you!

Reply
seo forum link
3/30/2012 10:51:01 pm

Good post. Keep posting more.. Its really excellent to make a look into..

Reply
bedroom decor link
7/18/2012 12:34:25 am

Good day,
Thanks for the news in this post. I would love to hang around here more often.

Reply
ikea futons link
7/29/2012 09:31:05 pm

Hello
I'd like to peer at extra posts like this. Nice written and comes with almost all significant information.

Reply
kids bedroom sets link
8/5/2012 08:09:29 pm

Hello
Excellent points altogether, right on the spot. You just gained a brand new reader!

Reply
living room design link
8/8/2012 08:06:12 pm

Hi
Entertaining and valuable writing this is. Essays like this are so important to broadening people's horizons

Reply
kitchen countertops ideas link
8/12/2012 02:53:42 am

Hello
I loved this blog post. I couldn't have said it any better to be honest!

Reply
coupons link
8/15/2012 09:01:10 pm

Hello
Simple but yet interesting and engaging, I admire the writing style. Great post with lots of important stuff, thanks!

Reply
bathroom pictures link
8/25/2012 10:58:09 pm

Hi
Very valuable information is in this article. I've definitely picked up something new from right here.

Reply
interior design ideas link
1/8/2013 02:55:33 am

You made some good points there. I looked on the internet for the subject and found most individuals will go along with with your website.

Reply
Obd1 bis obd2 Stecker link
8/30/2013 04:05:05 pm

I think you have to work hard with that. DEMI

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    August 2011
    December 2009

    Categories

    All
    Taliban

    RSS Feed

Dr. Avi Perry