Some Weird Thoughts

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Some Weird Thoughts

1. Ophir Paz-Pines has just resigned from the Israeli government and announced that he intended to run for the top job in the Labor party. Should he ever become prime minister or foreign minister, he will have to change his name. Pines is pronounced as “Peanes” in Hebrew. It assumes the same sound as the English word “Penis” (man’s sexual organ).
Now, try to imagine the announcement following the arrival of the honorable Israeli minister to the White House. “Please welcome Mr. Penis…” The man and his country will become the laughing stock of the whole Western world.
If you ever want to assume a top job, Mr. Pines, you had better change your name.
2. Why do gays want a parade? May be they feel that as a group they are being discriminated against, and they want to say: “we are fighting discrimination.” Or may be they just want to annoy the ultra orthodox - Haredim. These extremists deserve some “In your face” for the sake of scores settling. But wait. How about Ugly People Parade, or Hookers Parade, or just plain stupid people. Yes, how about the “Idiots Parade?” These groups I just mentioned must feel very discriminated, and unlike gays, they do not even have a closet.
3. Amir Peretz just gets under my skin every time he issues a threat. The latest one: “Israel will deal a painful and heavy blow to the terrorists" is merely a replica of many he issued in the past. Amir Peretz has grown to be the boy who cried “Wolves,” and we all know how that story ended. So, next time, Amir, if you want the terrorists to be caught unawares with their pants down, issue a very exhaustive threat, detailing the precise punishment they are about to soak up. And then – Act on it. It will turn out to be a true surprise, the most trouble-free military achievement of your career.
4. We all know that President Katsav is effectively a lame duck. I also noticed that his wife is always happy and smiling when they are together in front of the camera. You know; I fancy watching the hidden camera, which follows them into the privacy of their home. Does the wife believe him? No. I don’t think so. Does she forgive him? No. I don’t think so. Does she tolerate him? That depends on whether or not he includes her in his sexual fantasies. But, hey, she is probably not included, or better, the president has no such castles in the sky. Once he conquered these fortresses, once the fantasies became realities, he emptied the basket, and was no longer able to enjoy his lonely moments. His wife must be aware of that. Now you know why she is smiling.
5. Gaydamak’s undertaking regarding Eilat vacations for citizens of Sderot was the best protest against the government lack of will to take drastic action against the enemy. It exposed the government’s impotence by offering it a blue form of Viagra. Peretz’s negative reaction did not surprise me. How would any macho react when told that he has a small penis?